Monday, May 17, 2010
Nobody can lob tough questions that land on the soft parts of your psyche like family. My sister loves to tell the story, especially around my therapist friends, about the time I put her favorite stuffed animal, Grover, in the toilet and perched his little blue arms in a most welcoming position. I am fairly certain it was in retribution for some heinous act on her part but sadly, that part of the narrative has been lost. She has since asked me, repeatedly, Why, why...why Grover?. Did I mention some of the questions lobbed at you will have no easy answers?
So to the younger members of my clan, I give this advice in trying to answer our queries:
1. Always remember that at the heart of even the most obtrusive question is the desire for connection.
2. We took our turn at having to explain our lack of churchgoing ways to all the grandparents. You all, in fact, are getting off rather easy.
3. Some moments are so smooth and filled with optimism that you can't imagine needing anyone from your past but then you get dumped and you lose your job. Sometimes you lose your way or your health. Then, all of us asking with real love and compassion Are you OK? helps you find your way home, even if you live 2000 miles away from your clan. We will always help you find your way home.
4. Answer the questions...sigh heavily and roll your eyes but answer the questions. Every question my grandmothers asked me and every lecture my grandfathers gave me to keep me safe are precious to me now.
5. Start lobbing a few back our way...we can take it:)
We are all so very proud of you all!