Wednesday, October 30, 2013



My sister had a childhood friend who ended up sleeping with all of our boyfriends and some of our husbands but I digress.....she was a single mom who said "I just see extra work when it comes to birthdays and holidays."  This morning when my husband told me his workmates had put together a Halloween extravaganza for the children of employees, I said, "Aren't they too old for that?"

Sometimes, in the whirl of life I forget how blessed I am that life is whirling.  Bitterness sneaks up on the back of fatigue so I am headed out to yoga to knock it off.

My little red riding hood and Neo were not too old.  It was me.


Do you want your kids to be happy or to be accomplished?  People who are good at things have put in some pain time.  And that brings me to yoga.  I spent the bulk of last night, as I do most Tuesdays, trying not to cry or vomit.  My teacher is not unduly hard but I am unduly broken.  It is not relaxing or easy and I am not happy while doing it.  Yet every Tuesday I go because I know that I have to try and undo some of what I have done to myself.  I am trying to figure out where the drive to do hard, unpleasant things for a greater good comes from.  How do we teach it?  Can we teach it?  I just know that we need to.....


I noticed today that I am not creating enough art.  For the first time in many years, I did not make origami bats with some of my students.  Never mind that nobody came down to guidance and said, "hey, where are all the cool origami bats"?  To be balanced is to, music, a line up a cliff, or an origami bat.  Tonight, I am starting on Christmas gifts, while watching the Sox win the world series.  Surely.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

You can't rant with a lama

Well, it wasn't the lack of sleep.  I am still surly.  Perhaps, along with one's teeth and knees and bowels, one's patience ages?  I cut off a team member today in the middle of her haranguing a parent because a.  I could as the chair of the meeting...b.  She was being unkind.....and c.  My patience has a patina.  It glows with wisdom and then cracks wide open.

I think I'm OK with this state of things.  As a younger therapist, I worked my tail off to see every point of view and made sure I was operating from an unbiased stance.  There is no such thing and not everything is deserving of equal time.  Too much patience leads to collusion and an avoidance of saying hard truths.  I'm done being accepting and understanding of teachers who don't honor students.  Truly and completely done.

Lovingkindness                    by H.H. the XIV Dalai Lama

Right from the moment of our birth
We are under the care and kindness of our parents.
And then later on in our lives
when we are oppressed
by sickness
and become old,
we are again dependent
on the kindness of others.

Since at the beginning
and end of our lives
we are so dependent on
others' kindness,
how can it be
that in the middle
we neglect kindness
towards others?

I will begin anew tomorrow:)