Monday, May 28, 2012


 The back right panel of my car is duct taped together.  I'm at the point where I don't think it looks that bad, to be honest with you.  My maternal grandfather would not have been able to sleep at night if his car, house, shed or any tool in his possession had been duct taped together.  I have transcended that genetic marker.  We are hanging on with the help of duct tape, and proud of it.  By the way, I knocked that panel off when I hit a fire hydrant...those things move quickly:)
 Today is Memorial day.  The banner across my living room table reads "Happy New Year" where it has peacefully fluttered since December 31st.  I noticed that it was still up this week-end.  I quickly checked to make sure the Christmas tree wasn't in the corner, as well.  I decided I could take it down, or blog about it.
This is my son, buried under meditation pillows.  We are in the upstairs chapel at church, waiting to ring the church bells after the memorial day service ends.  It is a painful ritual, waiting for about 40 minutes to ring the bells but they found a way to stay calm:)

A friend said to me this week-end "this is the good stuff" as we were watching our children ride their bikes around a cul-de-sac.  I have felt the weight of this year drop off a bit this week-end as I spent time with my dear ones.  I truly hope you experienced the same. 

Love to all!

Monday, May 14, 2012

A late mother's day post

I'm not really cut out to be a dance mom.  Sure, I can put on the false eyelashes ( a proud moment when your 9 year old sports her first pair of false eyelashes) accompanied by my obligatory spiel about beauty on the inside far outweighing beauty on the outside while cussing up a blue streak when the damn lashes get stuck to my thumb and her nose simultaneously.  And I can pin up this hairpiece and watch in awe as it goes flying off her head in the middle of the competition.  The only one out of her troupe who lost her head piece.  She bravely danced on and assured me that her team got extra points for "overcoming adversity."

Then it struck me.  I am the adversity my daughter has to overcome.  She has already learned the art of rolling her eyes when I dance, sing, or tell jokes.  I have not been able to overcome my irritation or really my arrogance around this sport even though Tracie has been trying to get me to fly right about this for years.  I can't help but notice when the MC asked the girls on stage what they wanted to be when they grow up, they responded with "dancer" or "hairdresser."  Every single one of them.  The thing is, what I really don't want my daughter to grow up as is as judgmental as her mom.  Still, I'm going to be happier if she is a marine biologist (her answer had she been asked) because I think there is more longevity in a field that focuses on the intellect rather than on the physical.

I am what I am, as was my mother and my grandmother.  They let me wear white go-go boots and a red satin tuxedo short set, along with a white cowboy hat and red feather plume as captain of my high school flag squad.  Now that my friends, is a sport.  May we all overcome the adversity that is our parents and become that adversity for our children.  May it surely include some inappropriate garb and a few late nights.  Happy mother's day to you all.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Staying Put

Holy Cow, it has been awhile.  During my brief hiatus from my blog, I have been contemplating the following:

1.  Leaving my job
2.  Leaving my field
3.  Working 1/2 time
4.  Hiring a Cook
5.  Learning to weave
6.  Learning Dutch
7.  Moving to Amsterdam

We all have a default position when things start to unravel.  Mine has always been to flee the scene.  The chaos that accompanies a move, a new relationship, or a new job is a wonderful distraction from the discord that often drives change.  Of course, staying put is sometimes a move of cowardice.  So the question I am grappling with at this moment is simply...Should I stay or should I go now?

I have earned a bit of wisdom around this issue by having kids.  Early in the parenting game, I got really steamed at WCE.  He had a little habit back in the day of having lunch with an old flame whenever she blew into town without feeling the need to share that information with me.  One week-end, I took my 9 month old son and took off to New Hampshire to bust out my anger.  I'm pretty sure I did not tell a soul where I was going.  Not only that, but I took my son hiking and we got a little lost in the white mountains.  This was before I had SIRI to help me out of these kind of jams.  I had a bit of an epiphany while I was wondering around the woods with a baby strapped to my back:  the days of the grand gesture are over.  I don't get to drop out any more.  My kids connect me to my husband, even when he is being a world class ass.  Divorce is out.  Moving away is out.  Even hiking under the radar in New Hampshire is out.  His gift to me is that he feels exactly the same way:)  We take the wisdom we gained by having kids and apply it to the rest of our lives...... 

And so as I contemplate running, I realize it is my relationships that keep me moored.  I may change jobs, hell I may even change fields but I'm not going away to do it.  I like to think that my arthritic knees have nothing to do with my staying put.