Thursday, May 10, 2012

Staying Put

Holy Cow, it has been awhile.  During my brief hiatus from my blog, I have been contemplating the following:

1.  Leaving my job
2.  Leaving my field
3.  Working 1/2 time
4.  Hiring a Cook
5.  Learning to weave
6.  Learning Dutch
7.  Moving to Amsterdam

We all have a default position when things start to unravel.  Mine has always been to flee the scene.  The chaos that accompanies a move, a new relationship, or a new job is a wonderful distraction from the discord that often drives change.  Of course, staying put is sometimes a move of cowardice.  So the question I am grappling with at this moment is simply...Should I stay or should I go now?

I have earned a bit of wisdom around this issue by having kids.  Early in the parenting game, I got really steamed at WCE.  He had a little habit back in the day of having lunch with an old flame whenever she blew into town without feeling the need to share that information with me.  One week-end, I took my 9 month old son and took off to New Hampshire to bust out my anger.  I'm pretty sure I did not tell a soul where I was going.  Not only that, but I took my son hiking and we got a little lost in the white mountains.  This was before I had SIRI to help me out of these kind of jams.  I had a bit of an epiphany while I was wondering around the woods with a baby strapped to my back:  the days of the grand gesture are over.  I don't get to drop out any more.  My kids connect me to my husband, even when he is being a world class ass.  Divorce is out.  Moving away is out.  Even hiking under the radar in New Hampshire is out.  His gift to me is that he feels exactly the same way:)  We take the wisdom we gained by having kids and apply it to the rest of our lives...... 

And so as I contemplate running, I realize it is my relationships that keep me moored.  I may change jobs, hell I may even change fields but I'm not going away to do it.  I like to think that my arthritic knees have nothing to do with my staying put.

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