Notes from the Pew

Reverend Judith talked today about a couple of famous New Englanders...John Winthrop and Anne Hutchinson.  John Winthrop got a little agitated when his direct conduit to God was challenged by Ms. Hutchinson who claimed that she was also chatting with God.  So agitated that he excommunicated her and she had to leave the state.  She and her family were killed by Native Americans in New York.  This was all a backdrop to the idea that we are in charge of our religious communities and our relationship with our God.  Back in the day, this was a pretty radical idea.  Now it seems we are too distracted to think about what God is. 

One of the things I like about Sundays and the structure of church is that it forces me to unplug, and become contemplative, at least for an hour.  There is always music and some readings to think about.  For me, that it is pretty damn close to hanging with God.  Today's reading talked about remembering "our highest resolve."  I am so good at lofty resolutions, to whit:
--for every Justice purchase (local kid's store), I will force my daughter to do a real act of justice
--no more canned soda after reading "the history of stuff"
--help a local crafter in need get her goods in the appropriate stores
--renew composting
--get the Eminem song off  my daughter's itouch
--more yoga, more meditation
--less buying
--maybe get the Eminem song off my Ipod
--read some articles on censoring

And so it goes.....our highest resolve, however much we fail should always be our guide.  Every time I pop the top of a can, I need to be reminded of the excessive nature of that act.  Start somewhere and fail because one day, you won't.

Speaking of resolve, Cliff over at www.thisisthis.org is running a  marathon in a couple of weeks.  The cool part of this story is that he wasn't really a runner 9 months ago.  An example of "higher resolve".  I like his blog because I think the Brits have way better curse words.  They sound slightly bemused when in point of fact, they could be going postal.  Happy trails Cliff!

The Texans came to town.........

Life is all about the timing.  Last week, I was diagnosed with pneumonia which I never realized you could "catch".  I thought pneumonia was something waiting in the wings for a good cold gone bad:
Pneumonia:  Hey you, you in the trachea....come check out the lungs
Cold:  I'm not supposed to go into the lungs, I'm not sure I could find my way back
Pneumonia:  Just follow me......
So the nurse thinks I picked up pneumonia in one of the nursing homes I have been visiting for work and this happened right before the Texans headed up north for a ski vacation. 

 We soldiered on.....

Kat adopted the Heidi look, very appropriate for the mountains of Central Mass

Next year's Christmas card, perhaps

Isak is a natural boarder, I'm sorry to say.  We tried our best to talk him out of knuckle-dragging, but he would have none of it.  This is a picture of his very first jump.  It ended poorly but it's all about the glory, even if you take a hard fall  It was a great visit, including meeting the french boyfriend.  He was very gracious and did not compare Mt. Wachusetts to the French Alps, even once:

Sometimes you see your family through a stranger's eyes.  I like what I see.  Older cousins who watch out for their younger ones, sisters who reconnect over the miles, and so much laughter, you have to be careful not to pee your pants.  Nothing foreshadows a joke like 40 years of history.  The Texans came to town and it was a great visit.  Happy trails, y'all

Dr. Drew

As a therapist, I try not to think about Dr. Drew all that much.  On a good day, I feel compassion for his narcissism and on a bad day, I am surprised that he doesn't lose his license.  This week, he was the talking head on all the talk shows commenting on Charlie Sheen's disintegration.  Charlie Sheen, rightly so, felt outraged that he was being analyzed from afar.  Lindsey Lohen, Britney Spears....Dr. Drew feels he has the right by lieu of his credentials to go on national television and speak about the addictions or mental health issues of celebrities.  He also fights the good fight on celebrity rehab.  Really?  How is any of this healing for anybody?

When I was in my twenties, I was the president of the Massachusetts Association of Rape Crisis Centers.  I was asked to go on a local talk show as an expert on rape and comment on a case against Mike Tyson.  My "opponent" on the show was a feisty defense lawyer.  What I remember about the taping was that the interview pitted us against one another and the actual facts of the actual case mattered not one bit.  Additionally, in retrospect, I did not know the people involved and really had no business commenting at all.  It is enticing to be thought of as an expert, but it is a false path.

So, Dr. Drew...here is some advice from one therapist to another.  Put the camera down and get back to slogging through the mud.  You do not honor the stories or victories of your clients by breaking their confidentiality, even with their blessing.  One of the biggest emerging drugs in our culture is the incessant need for fame and exposure.  I don't think you are facilitating lasting recovery without tackling that addiction, both in yourself and in your clients.

How I spent my winter vacation....

So much for my dream of delving into fractals....and so it always goes.  My daughter had a bigger vision, and it included a lot of manual labor from me.  To her credit, she pitched in as did my husband.  A separate post might be about how an engineer and a social worker paint a room together.  Our old house will never be remodeled in any kind of extensive way because it would cost us a big part of our relationship.  I now know this to be true.  I also learned that it is a day wasted at Home Depot to try and talk my daughter out of her designated paint color "Barely Sage".  I did manage to talk her out of "Coriander Seed" for the trim by telling her it looked like poo.  Which it did.  She told me that "Whispering Birches" would be too light for trim.  Which it is.  For those keeping score, I'm down a point but I made the realization that my daughter has a better eye for design than I do.

So what I really did over winter vacation is continue to admire the artistry of my daughter.  Her room is shaping up beautifully, and we will put the finishing touches on the forest room by taking a road trip to IKEA to pick up a shag green "grass" rug.  She also wants me to hunt down some bamboo for her indoor garden.  When I look at the room, I see the artist she is and the artist she will be.  Fractals can wait.

Me and Yoga

Yoga:  You want to come over later and do some downward dog?

Me:  You know the last time I came over, you started with downward dog and then things got a little wild.....

Yoga:  I would not call The Pigeon wild, you have got to center yourself and breathe through the pain

Me:  Pain, that's just it, I'm supposed to be blissed out when I'm hanging out with you and yet after 15 years, still so much pain.  Also, while I'm at it, I still can't touch the floor when I'm bending from the waist down.  A lot of broken promises, yoga.

Yoga:  You want to talk broken promises?  You think I don't know about running, undoing everything we have done together?  And what about tele-skiing?  You couldn't even enjoy the child's pose because of what you did.  Don't deny it.  Namaste my ass.

Me:  Now the truth comes out.  You need me to give up running.  By the way, running is perfectly happy for me to do all the poses I want.  Seems like running might be a bit more enlightened than we thought, heh?

Yoga:  Running will leave you as soon as your joints go, you know it, I know it.  I'm in it for the long haul.  So you don't get butterflies or a big adrenalin rush.  Those things are distractions.  I'm not going to beg but know that when you are broken, battered, and bruised, I will be here waiting.

Me:  I do know that yoga, I do know that.  Maybe we should go away for a few days together.  I could work on pigeon and you could work on that temper.

 

A few thoughts on Fractals before Winter Vacation

Who gets to define who we are?  I have become increasingly aware that it is not only ourselves, defining ourselves.  I know who I think I am and who I want to be but that is one fractal, really.  Don't get me started on fractals.  I can't tell you what they are exactly, but I think they may be the key to unifying some things.  They are actually geometric shapes that can be divided into infinity.  It is clear that I am over-identified with fractals because I feel that I can be divided into infinity.  Start thinking about where you started and where you are now. 

I started as a beloved daughter and granddaughter and now see my mother in my daughter and we divide.  Samsara.  Over and over again until we bust through.  I try and contemplate my divisions, throughout the ages but the noise in this time and moment blocks the longer view and a deeper understanding.  I sense it rippling under the surface but it is elusive and can only be touched upon in silence.  Of which I don't have access to lately.

So here is my stated intention for Winter Vacation:  Bone up on fractals so what I write about them makes a bit of sense.  Sit in silence.  Be damned grateful for all the lifetimes that have led me to this post in this moment at the beginning of a vacation.  What a gift.

I Agape You

I was pleasantly surprised to get a dentist's appointment today, on short notice.  As I was driving to the dentist, it hit me:  a single person would not make a dentist appointment on Valentine's day.  My cheerful dental assistant, as she was taking digital X-rays asked me what I was doing to celebrate the day.  "Just recovering from this visit"  I cheerfully responded.  As luck would have it, I had a psychosomatic cavity and so needed no drilling.  Which left me open to celebrate the day of love.

Here is my Valentine.  He could be looking a bit grumpy because he cleaned out the fish tank and inadvertently murdered the shrimp while trying to annihilate the 50 tiny black snails that were taking over the tank.  Scott was then forced to buy an assassin snail to finish the job.  So, knowing about and buying assassin snails to protect the family fish, that's love.  Then there is the nightly job of reading "Little House on the Prarie" Volume 7 to the bear or building rockets with the boy or driving to Braintree to pick up up a book for me entitled "A time to keep silence" about a Brit's sojourns to some of Europe's oldest monasteries.  Much, much better than flowers or chocolates.

Apparently the Greeks sectioned off love into three categories:  Eros, passionate love; Philia, brotherly or the love found in friendships; and Agape, the love of a committed decision.  My husband and I started with Philia, moved into Eros and now find ourselves committed to one another through the trusting eyes of both ourselves and our children.

Agape isn't the easiest love.  Jesus talked about it when he advised we should love our enemies.  Buddha talked about it in the dharma when he advised that we are all connected and that lovingkindness is the default position.

Start with your Valentine...and then move out and plow through the world with agape.  I will see you out there.