Parenting breaks you wide open. We all know it and think we are already open but there is always room for more, always.
This week, youngest went to middle school for the first time. She of the wild colt energy took such care with preparations, I had to hold back tears every step of the way so she didn't think I had some rare disorder that causes inopportune crying. She laid out 4 different red shirts one evening to examine the differences in hue, sleeve length, and feel. We went back to school shopping in June as Staples is one of her favorite stores, and she has rearranged pencils until they need to be sharpened again. The night before the big day she washed and braided her hair so it would bounce the first day of school. No detail was overlooked. She was ready. I am never ready but have learned to fake it just a bit.
Eldest was also going to a new school for the first time since kindergarten without his best friends, who moved to the next town. He bravely told me about sitting alone in the cafeteria and rushed to add "I know you are going to worry about this mom but don't, I will figure it out." And he did. I didn't even have to email the assistant principal, his homeroom teacher, or the adjustment counselor.
I didn't feel anxious this time around but continue to fight back tears. I see the people they are becoming and I know that I will be broken apart the widest when they are ready to leave for good. Until then, I will continue to practice.
ps...my sis is bringing up my nephew to college this week-end. We get him close to us for the next several years. Yippee!