My kingdom for a cup of coffee

I used to be able to run with the big dogs at night. My college roommate and I would routinely stay out until 4 or 5am listening to great live music in Austin, Texas. Then, we would head over to Katz Deli for a great breakfast. In my revisionist memory, we proceeded through the next day with no sleep, none the worse for wear.

During the skiing years, we had to get up at 3am, pack the car, and drive to Colorado for a day of skiing. Then, we turned around and came home, about a 5 hour drive. No worse for the lack of sleep. Ditto with alpine starts for climbing trips. It seems on the week-ends, sleep was the first thing to go for a higher cause.

Then, the babies came and still no sleep. I can't quite put my finger on when I got so attached to sleeping and my husband still manages on a few hours a night (although he is sound asleep as I type this, despite his promises to keep me up in creative ways tonight). My last all-nighter was last Christmas season when I had to help the elves with making Hobbes. God Bless Bill Watterson and his non-commercial ways but when your kid wants Hobbes, well, good luck to you.

So, here I sit during the middle of the night because I have to stay up for a "sleep-deprived" EEG. I found out yesterday from the lovely confirmation call that this also means no caffeine, which was a big part of my plan to do this successfully. If it wasn't pitch black and 20 degrees, I would go for a run. If my husband wasn't asleep, I would talk to him about the shock of having my heart surgery scheduled in two weeks. If I could find the pattern my friend Michelle created, I would sew....on and on it goes with a bunch of "ifs".

In the end, I'm hanging out with my grandmother's voice in my head: KK, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride like kings. Her way, always was to face whatever was happening with a steely pragmatism, and then go make something. I'm going to wrap her quilt around me and go do just that.