How to ruin a good run

Many of my 9 readers know and love running and I've run with a few of you and so I know that you all have the good run down. The scenic jaunt through the middle of town, the bucolic run down the dirt road in Peterboro, and the heroic push up Lamplighter.


I am now going to share with you how to ruin a good run, to expand your repertoire and keep you posted on how it is going 5 weeks post-op and give you a snapshot of the magic of marriage.

Last week, I went in for an Echo cardiogram and was giving the go ahead to run. I mentioned to my doc that my heart rate was jumping around a bit and he advised to "take it easy" during my first couple of runs. Take it easy, in my book, means don't die....you can come close, but don't die mostly because you have kids. Cut to this morning.

My little family was headed off to ski....which they have gallantly continued to do despite my absence, and I told my husband I was headed to the Y to run. He mentioned that we own three heart monitors and would I like to wear one? No, no I would not. Why not, he says in that engineering type way that has the effect of making me dig in my heels for no good reason at all. Because they are cumbersome and ruin the flow of a good run...which they do...so that is the first way to ruin a good run...wear a heart monitor.


Because we have a great marriage and understand each other perfectly, he ignored my actual words and rounded up the heart monitors. Then, he spit on the thing that goes around your body and stuck it to me. Then, I tried it and it showed a heart rate of 30. It needed new batteries. Luckily, my heart rate is not germane to the story and I barely noticed that it was so low. Scott did some math and worked out some percentages and my ideal heart rate should stay at 80% which was 140. Cut to the Y.

The second way to ruin a good run is to try and keep your heart rate at 140...I have never run so slowly in all my life. Even then, periodically when I stopped paying attention, I would look down and it was 160. Several times I had to stop and walk to get things down where they were safe and sound. At one point, I was air-running which is like the bionic women in the slow motion scenes. Beyond ridiculous. I hung in for 40 minutes and then decided I should try and cool down.....I couldn't get my heart rate down and sometimes it even jumped to 170. Now, the third way to ruin a good run is to get anxious about your cool down and jack your heart rate back up. Cut to home.

Scott and the kids return from skiing and I have a million heart rate questions for him:

kd: Does your heart rate jump around when you wear that thing?
Scott: It could be reading the electrical current of someone else running on the track..how
high did it go up?
kd: 170...it was kinda scary
Scott: Those monitors have always been quirky on me.

I hope you read that last sentence twice....my husband thought it might be a good idea to give me a quirky heart monitor after heart surgery. And the funny thing is, he was right....the fourth and final way to ruin a good run is to not make it home afterwards. So quirky data is better than no data. I love you honey:)