Aftershocks

Here is the rough terrain I find myself wandering through two days after my "neurological event." A couple of nights ago, while typing merrily away, I suffered some mild indigestion after eating a day old burrito. It certainly has happened before and will happen again with my culinary skills and deep distrust of the kitchen. This time, however, I thought I was having a heart attack, which led to a pretty solid panic attack. I have a few strategies that I have taught over the years and they can come in pretty handy. Can you become your own therapist? In a pinch, the answer is yes but I have a few problems with my new therapist:

1. Her insistence on "deep breathing" can be mildly annoying, especially when it leads to the cessation of the heart attack. Truthfully, I would rather have a heart attack than a panic attack.

2. Her encouragement that I call family and let them know how I am doing, that I honestly write about how I am feeling and how I need to stop saying everything is great, when clearly, it sucks mightily. She seems like she might be a pushy chick.

3. She wants the fear to go...and so I ask myself....when I let go of the fear....the fear of losing my cognitive ability...the fear of not being able to take care of myself or my family.....I'm left with faith. Faith that the doctors are not taking this thing too slowly. Faith that my body will continue to tell me what I need to know, and that I will continue to listen. Most of all, faith that I will soon be healthy again. She is asking for a hell of a leap.